请老师帮忙修改英文短文写作中的语法错误,谢谢!
According to the rehabilitation treatment theory of hemiplegia, the current research situation of rehabilitation robot at home and abroad is analyzed, and the overall requirements are put forward from the aspects of rehabilitation training function, control strategy and safety. According to the existing defects of the rehabilitation robot, a new type of rehabilitative robot for the upper limb is designed. The main work includes the following aspects:
这个是中文:
依据偏瘫的康复治疗理论,剖析了国内外康复机器人研究近况,从康复练习功能、控制方案、安全性等几个角度提出总体需要。依据现在康复机器人存在的缺点,设计了一种新型上肢康复机器人,主要工作包含如下方面:
According to the rehabilitation treatment theory of hemiplegia, the current research situation of rehabilitation robot at home and abroad is analyzed, and the overall requirements are put forward from the aspects of rehabilitation training function, control strategy and safety. According to the existing defects of the rehabilitation robot, a new type of rehabilitative robot for the upper limb is designed. The main work includes the following aspects:
这个是中文:
依据偏瘫的康复治疗理论,剖析了国内外康复机器人研究近况,从康复练习功能、控制方案、安全性等几个角度提出总体需要。依据现在康复机器人存在的缺点,设计了一种新型上肢康复机器人,主要工作包含如下方面:
第一,这段文字应该是一篇论文的摘要,是正式语体。科技论文为了突出客观性,多使用被动结构,防止用I, we如此给人主观印象的词汇。但近年来这方面有了一些变化,觉得过多的被动结构是句子看上去冗长或头重脚轻,因此,愈加多的科技论文使用主动结构。原译文存在的主要问题有:
1 过多的重复rehabilitation robot, 应该适合用替代,防止重复;
2 剖析国内外研究近况时无需依据康复理论,而提出总体需要时则需要依据某种理论。因此,句子开头的依据...不符合逻辑,according to这个状语不可以修饰analyse, 而应修饰put forward;
3 中文依据...的缺点,设计了..., 其中的逻辑不可以用according to翻译。according to的本意是和...一致。设计不可能和缺点一致!这是因果关系:鉴于/因为现有些机器人存在缺点,因此大家设计了...。因此,这里用according to为逻辑错误。
4 最后一句中的主要工作包含如下方面,表意不清。到底是新机器人的功能如下,还是大家在设计新机器人的过程中作了如下工作?我理解为前者,因此应该防止歧义。
5 论文的本分内容就是对近况的剖析,因此,analyze用通常目前时,而不需要目前完成时。同理,提出总体需要也是在论文中提出,还是应该用通常目前时,而不是目前完成时。但新机器人的设计则是在写论文之前做的事情,不可以再用通常目前时,而应该用目前完成时态。
综合以上五点,我对译文修改如下:
based on the analysis of the researches on rehabilitation robots both at home and abroad, the paper puts forward the overall requirements for the training function, control strategy and safety of the robot according to the theory on the rehabilitation of hemiparalysis.
Inviewof the defectsof the existing robots, we have designed a newmodel for the rehabilitation of upper limbs,the features of whichare as follows.